5 Feb
I'm in bed and it's the early hours. I'm exhausted and yet I can't sleep. The pain runs deep and the nights now seem very long. I need to sleep to give my body a chance to repair itself. I have a long day tomorrow. I will paste on a smile because I don't want to be defined by this damn disease. I've always been a good sleeper and always had a high pain threshold. Now I can't sleep and I have pain that is so insistent in its intensity that it's hard to breathe over. I like the attached quote about breathing though and despite the awfulness of it all still hope for more special moments that take my breath away. Thinking of everyone else who has to endure long and painful nights.
"Life is not about how many breaths we take but how many moments we have that take our breaths away"
Thank you to all those who help me keep going. Your love and care and light means a lot.
It's been a tough day. I didn't get enough sleep for a healthy person to function last night yet alone someone living with cancer. I worked 10.5 hours too. It's hard sometimes to smile at people and nod empathically at their problems and aches and pains when you are masking such an awful illness. I don't want people to stop talking to me about their issues but it can be a challenge when you are listening to someone go on about their man flu when you are struggling just to breathe without pain. The weird thing is I wouldn't want it any other way. It can be a hard balance though. Thank goodness I have such good family and friends around me that I can be myself with. I'm really hoping for a better night tonight. Sleep tight everyone.
"Every day may not be good but there is some good in every day"
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