Broken crayons still colour

It’s been a weird few months. To recap, I’d been having a rough spell with lots of stomach pains after eating. Then I picked up an obscure virus called RSV. I started taking loads of extra antivirals and they made me feel sick so I wasn’t eating so much. That made the pain lessen, so swings and roundabouts. I then picked up another virus and had to be admitted to hospital for 5 days. This time I was put in 2 lots of strong antibiotics. Once I was well enough to come home these were swapped to oral antibiotics. Sadly these made me very nauseous and in the end I was throwing up every night.

After the antibiotics finished, my appetite stayed low and I lost weight. I ended up battling to get my medication into me. It was horrible. My lovely medical team increased my steroids. I was pleased that I’d managed to stop one of the steroids but sadly this was short lived.

The steroids increased my appetite and made me feel better, although they also make me feel shaky and weak. I also started to get the tummy pains again as my appetite increased. It’s like you can’t win.

I’m laying in bed with a hot pack on my stomach and wondering what’s worse, not eating or pain after you eat?

It’s hard being left with all these chronic health problems. I had hoped for a cure for my cancer and that I’d regain the life that had slowly been eroded from me over the last 17 years. I’m now 18 months post transplant and life is still a daily struggle.

One thing I do know is I wouldn’t be here without the gift of life from my sister. Her stem cells maybe fighting with mine but at least they are keeping me alive. I also know that not everyone makes it this far, so for that I am grateful.

What I have to work out is what I can still do these days that give me life. I need fun and laughter and mischief to get up to as well as hospital appointments, duvet days and medication. For me it’s also important I feel useful and that I can still make a difference and contribute to society. I recently took my aunts funeral and I have a friends funeral to take next week too. I continue to do my audio blog with BBC Radio Kent. Next month I am singing with my old choir at St George’s Chapel Windsor. That will be an amazing experience. That’s why I love the attached quote that broken crayons still colour. You don’t have to be perfect to make your mark on the world, you just have to be determined and to have a never give up attitude.

I hope wherever you are and whatever you are up to you are able to do something that brings life to you and to those around you.